life is a bit of a balancing act, not yet conquered.
my sincerity about the future is clouding my present in a very big way.
im controlled, and focused and im totally forgetting what it means to be alive.
while theres blood running through my veins and a million dreams strewn across my mind, i cannot just sit back and watch my life go by. like ive been doing.
i want to travel. i want to live and i want so much to find myself.
ive been selling myself short for so long, and im totally oblivious to what its made me.
i am in debt, and i need to redeem myself.
it ends and begins tonight
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
cambodia
i am getting really anxious and excited already to go to cambodia in january next year.
it seems like so far away but i know the time will go quickly.
im so eager to go away on my own and get a new perspective on everything...
im doing a 5 week overseas action program with world youth international.
www.worldyouth.org.au
my friend went to nepal for 3 months with WYI and said it was the best time of his life.
i hope i can get that much from it.
i will be working in a rural village somewhere near siem reap, with a group of up to 12 other Australians. we will have a community development project to complete, with only about 4 weeks in the village. the last program group built classrooms in a rural village and our project will be something similar. it is such a great opportunity to make a difference in the lives of people who have faced such a conflicted past, and little hope for the future. from what i have read about the country, the people are relaxed and friendly, and it is heartbreaking to think of the impact the countrys recent history has had on generations of helpless people.
we are so fortunate to live and grow up in such a beautiful country; without war, mass neglect and abuses of human rights, and with so many opportunities practically thrown at our feet.
i think so many people take for granted what they have in their lives, and would learn from a glimpse of 'the real world'.
so that is my mission: to see and experience life through the eyes of another. we will spend half our time in homestay, and the other half in basic accomodations with the group. it will be a really valuable experience and one that i hope i can learn and grow from... i think sometimes we need to go outside of ourselves and push the boundaries, to really have a look at who we are on the inside. that is one of my ultimate goals for the trip - to 'find' myself and develop a better sense of myself.
my plan is to then travel around cambodia and thailand, as much as time permits because i have to get back for uni. a rough idea of where i will be going...
cambodia
sihanoukville
siem reap (angkor wat, tonle sap lake)
batttambang
phnom penh (elephant project if i have time!!!)
thailand
chiang mai
koh samui
....
a site i found really useful and interesting in my research on the country was:
http://www.mekong.net/cambodia/banyan1.htm..
from which i took this quote..
No tree can survive when cut from its roots. But the roots which sustain the tree may destroy the foundation of all structures in their path. It is this which must be remembered, when the seeds are sown.
it seems like so far away but i know the time will go quickly.
im so eager to go away on my own and get a new perspective on everything...
im doing a 5 week overseas action program with world youth international.
www.worldyouth.org.au
my friend went to nepal for 3 months with WYI and said it was the best time of his life.
i hope i can get that much from it.
i will be working in a rural village somewhere near siem reap, with a group of up to 12 other Australians. we will have a community development project to complete, with only about 4 weeks in the village. the last program group built classrooms in a rural village and our project will be something similar. it is such a great opportunity to make a difference in the lives of people who have faced such a conflicted past, and little hope for the future. from what i have read about the country, the people are relaxed and friendly, and it is heartbreaking to think of the impact the countrys recent history has had on generations of helpless people.
we are so fortunate to live and grow up in such a beautiful country; without war, mass neglect and abuses of human rights, and with so many opportunities practically thrown at our feet.
i think so many people take for granted what they have in their lives, and would learn from a glimpse of 'the real world'.
so that is my mission: to see and experience life through the eyes of another. we will spend half our time in homestay, and the other half in basic accomodations with the group. it will be a really valuable experience and one that i hope i can learn and grow from... i think sometimes we need to go outside of ourselves and push the boundaries, to really have a look at who we are on the inside. that is one of my ultimate goals for the trip - to 'find' myself and develop a better sense of myself.
my plan is to then travel around cambodia and thailand, as much as time permits because i have to get back for uni. a rough idea of where i will be going...
cambodia
sihanoukville
siem reap (angkor wat, tonle sap lake)
batttambang
phnom penh (elephant project if i have time!!!)
thailand
chiang mai
koh samui
....
a site i found really useful and interesting in my research on the country was:
http://www.mekong.net/cambodia/banyan1.htm..
from which i took this quote..
No tree can survive when cut from its roots. But the roots which sustain the tree may destroy the foundation of all structures in their path. It is this which must be remembered, when the seeds are sown.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
spreading the love in south america
with limited luggage and minimal opportunities for doing laundry, our TWLOHA shirts came in handy while travelling in south america in January. cam wore love is the movement about 60% of the time, while my love deon got worn underneath everything!
from sunny santa monica, to the beaches of canoa, the galapagos islands, playing soccer with the orphaned darlings in cuzco, photo opportunities and countless meals - we wore our love on the outside.
i think the conversations about TWLOHA were limited to one or two - but we felt it.
here are some photos:
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from sunny santa monica, to the beaches of canoa, the galapagos islands, playing soccer with the orphaned darlings in cuzco, photo opportunities and countless meals - we wore our love on the outside.
i think the conversations about TWLOHA were limited to one or two - but we felt it.
here are some photos:
love and shame and honour...The Fray (2009)
ive been listening to the fray's new album this week.
their music is pretty close to me.
how to save a life (2005) was my favourite album for a long time - i felt like i needed saving at the time. and music was a big part of who i was.
the new album (self-titled) is just as good.
my first impression was...boring.
but its grown on me, to the point where a few tracks play on repeat while im driving.
its honest and beautiful and sad.
my favourite song is 'enough for now'....i suppose its a father/daughter/lover story - lost love, love left too late, regret, shame ..
"he should have never left you broken, he should have held you.."
it reminds us to appreciate what we have.
the whole album is more mature - and came at a good time for me.
a lot of people hide from their problems, from the shame of not being strong, or not being as together as they seem. i guess this is one band who makes it known that its ok to be lost and broken and to need help. some people were made to heal, to pick the rest of us up. maybe they have grown so tired of feeling helpless, theyve opened up and told us their stories, so we can all help each other. its ok to be lost.
www.myspace.com/thefray
their music is pretty close to me.
how to save a life (2005) was my favourite album for a long time - i felt like i needed saving at the time. and music was a big part of who i was.
the new album (self-titled) is just as good.
my first impression was...boring.
but its grown on me, to the point where a few tracks play on repeat while im driving.
its honest and beautiful and sad.
my favourite song is 'enough for now'....i suppose its a father/daughter/lover story - lost love, love left too late, regret, shame ..
"he should have never left you broken, he should have held you.."
it reminds us to appreciate what we have.
the whole album is more mature - and came at a good time for me.
a lot of people hide from their problems, from the shame of not being strong, or not being as together as they seem. i guess this is one band who makes it known that its ok to be lost and broken and to need help. some people were made to heal, to pick the rest of us up. maybe they have grown so tired of feeling helpless, theyve opened up and told us their stories, so we can all help each other. its ok to be lost.
www.myspace.com/thefray
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
hope, faith and belonging
i'm not a religious person... but i believe in faith.
for me, its a feeling somewhere between my heart and my stomach - where everything i think and feel collides into a ball of emotion. its conviction and confusion and total compulsion; to change, to help, to do, to love, to be, to live and to belong to something.
to be a part of something, and make a difference.
it makes me want to cry and it makes me smile.....
and it scares me,because it makes me want to be a better person, and i worry that i wont get there.
when i read jamies writing it somehow hits me hard,
i dont know if its the words he uses, something in his messages, or the way we are wired,
but in those moments, i feel as though he wrote those words to me only.
he is talented and open and i dont know how he does it.
but he is amazing.
i met jamie at Soundwave in 2008, by mistake.
i walked up the TWLOHA stand as they were packing up (i didnt even know they would be there..) and i recognised him from pictures.
i said to him.. "youre jamie tworkowski.."
i told him that he was an inspiration, and to keep going on his mission.
he thanked me and was very humble, as though he has no idea of how great he is.
we took a photo, and that was it and i wished later that if i were going to meet him, that it could be somewhere quiet and alone, so i could borrow some more of his wisdom.
i hope i will get another chance...
my faith is not religion.
it is a song played over and over,
words written by a stranger that cut through.
its the most powerful thing i know, and it will somehow pull this world together,
in the hands of the broken and brave.
im going to borrow the words from TWLOHA, because they sound over and over in my head:
"..we were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home..."
write love into your life.
for me, its a feeling somewhere between my heart and my stomach - where everything i think and feel collides into a ball of emotion. its conviction and confusion and total compulsion; to change, to help, to do, to love, to be, to live and to belong to something.
to be a part of something, and make a difference.
it makes me want to cry and it makes me smile.....
and it scares me,because it makes me want to be a better person, and i worry that i wont get there.
when i read jamies writing it somehow hits me hard,
i dont know if its the words he uses, something in his messages, or the way we are wired,
but in those moments, i feel as though he wrote those words to me only.
he is talented and open and i dont know how he does it.
but he is amazing.
i met jamie at Soundwave in 2008, by mistake.
i walked up the TWLOHA stand as they were packing up (i didnt even know they would be there..) and i recognised him from pictures.
i said to him.. "youre jamie tworkowski.."
i told him that he was an inspiration, and to keep going on his mission.
he thanked me and was very humble, as though he has no idea of how great he is.
we took a photo, and that was it and i wished later that if i were going to meet him, that it could be somewhere quiet and alone, so i could borrow some more of his wisdom.
i hope i will get another chance...
my faith is not religion.
it is a song played over and over,
words written by a stranger that cut through.
its the most powerful thing i know, and it will somehow pull this world together,
in the hands of the broken and brave.
im going to borrow the words from TWLOHA, because they sound over and over in my head:
"..we were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home..."
write love into your life.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
my first blog
i've never even thought about writing a blog until today.
i was reading stephen christian's blog about rejection ...(http://modesty.blogspot.com/).
and if there's one certain thing i have learnt from those who inspire me, it is the courage to be who you are, and say what you believe in - so here i go..
im not really creative, and i dont think that i 'write well' (although my mother appparently commented to my sisters about how good my emails from south america were), but i do know what i think and feel, and at the end of the day, im not doing this for anyone but myself.
my biggest inspiration is probably jamie tworkowski of To Write Love On Her Arms, he is honest and raw and humble - and has created a global movement, all from a place inside of him - from his own faith and from the compassion and commitment to help one lost girl - because it felt right, because it had to be done.
i will get to jamie and TWLOHA later.
i dont know where im going, or what i want to achieve, but this blog is the beginning of something for me. it might just be an exploration of everything ive held inside for so long. and it might be a catalyst to get out and do something. either way, it begins here.
i was reading stephen christian's blog about rejection ...(http://modesty.blogspot.com/).
and if there's one certain thing i have learnt from those who inspire me, it is the courage to be who you are, and say what you believe in - so here i go..
im not really creative, and i dont think that i 'write well' (although my mother appparently commented to my sisters about how good my emails from south america were), but i do know what i think and feel, and at the end of the day, im not doing this for anyone but myself.
my biggest inspiration is probably jamie tworkowski of To Write Love On Her Arms, he is honest and raw and humble - and has created a global movement, all from a place inside of him - from his own faith and from the compassion and commitment to help one lost girl - because it felt right, because it had to be done.
i will get to jamie and TWLOHA later.
i dont know where im going, or what i want to achieve, but this blog is the beginning of something for me. it might just be an exploration of everything ive held inside for so long. and it might be a catalyst to get out and do something. either way, it begins here.
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